A little bit of love

From someone who loves me.
It seems that stead can get rewarded.
If felt like he had a plan. To test if I was willing to work hard, to test if I was willing to learn to open and love, to test if I am willing to put my head down and just dig deep and just believe. And when showing that I have the right attitude for things he makes it work out. It just fell into place like a missing piece. Thank you. For making it so easy, so natural and in such perfection.

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Metamorphosis

Every now and then there is this feeling that I experience in a sudden surge of insights and feel like I am morphing and growing consciously.¬† I don’t know how to explain this acute sense of awareness. Would even second guess if it was awareness if I didn’t experience it time and again.

Been out on filming for the past week and spending so much time listening to stories, coupled with some critical conversations (both within office and outside of it) when I get back in office, plus a food for thought lecture. There are just so many thoughts flooding in my head.

For one. Storytelling is an art. And through the interviews I learn that the art and that ability to tease out the story and connect and empathise is really something to be practised and honed upon. Its somehow deeper ingrained in me that I have that ability to build upon that if I wanted to. Its a skill if I am able to master the control of when to advance and when to back down.

For two. It no longer bothers to me as much what others think. In a good sense. For stories I hear of the strong characters – they always knew which line (personally) they would draw.. its all choice. And the more I can learn to be unfazed by wind and noise and only hear what matters, the better I will be able to attain that balance that I worry I will tip.

Coupled with whats learnt comes whats next. And I was struck by this insight from a sharing that we can’t empathise until we have been there ourselves. Not sure if I agree totally because I think fundamentally all emotions humans experience are the same, just that the intensity, the angle we see it, the timing, and the trigger points are different.

What to do with this ability is the key. And today, for the first time I realise I am so comfortable with no deadline to its fruition of pursuit. Just keep going ivy ūüôā

Musings

Today I was out for yet another networking event. I went purely out of curiosity. I went really dreaming about whether one day I will appear at the same platform, from a different capacity. Where will I end up, what do I stand for. I can really say i may be obsessed with pursuit of the answers or a direction. The more I see, the more angles I can think up on how else I can end up.

So.. go or no go?

I cannot express the multitude of issues that have a fervour for.

a thin line lies in between a genius or a fool

Fool or no fool?

mine

I keep coming back to question on what was most drawing about Pamela’s¬†post¬†on discovering her niche.¬†It touched me somehow¬†deeply.
The message resonated not because of the lure of travel and opening the eyes to the world. it wasn’t because i’ve always harboured a secret jealousy of writers and the stories they crafted (and oh so naturally! Not fair! :P). it wasn’t totally because it exemplified story of beautifully merging both a passion and profession, something i care a lot about and hoping to work towards.

and then it became clear –
it lies in the audacity and the fire behind her dream and resolve.

To be so certain that there was a path meant for her. And only to herself she will need to prove.
It was so beautifully personal; so what if others do not agree, so what if others may not have the confidence that it is possible.
A love like this blew me away. 

And after 8 plus years of asking this question repeatedly: what do i stand for, what is me? I finally think i have better clarity. *phew*

It is a really tough question to answer. I remember vividly in JC1 when we first met our senior class and they asked us what we wished to become in the future. I didn’t realise it then but now i do, i was already showing signs of my idealism. Here was my answer: I’m not sure what i want to be, but i know i will want to be doing something i love. It was greeted with nothing but a series of laughs.¬†Embarrassed, i lowered myself in to the chair and tried to blend in. I spent the day grappling with that question: what was wrong with my answer! What was so wrong with doing what we love?

I always believe if some things keep coming back to haunt you – they matter to you. I remember the euphoria when moments of epiphany revealed to me yet another interesting observation about myself. (yes i really have those moments as though i see myself in 3rd person, don’t ask me how). I struggled with lows, getting nothing but frustrated and disappointed with not having a clear direction as to where to head.¬†“Chasing your passion” has long since bode special meaning to me. You really do have to chase.¬† it’s an¬†act of want, it’s a¬†ongoing pursuit. And you know what?¬†It will never end.¬†And I say this not in despondence that it’s futile or a waste of energy. I say it with a runner’s passion – that if you learn to accept that life is moulding journey and you’ll never stop growing till the last breath you take –¬†you’ll never stop running once you fall in love with the sport. I stand for this.

the most riveting quote i stumbled upon (and shared) sums it up beautifully.

Ask not what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive and go do it.
For what the world needs is people who come alive
– Howard Thurman

I stand for this.

Do you have that audacity and love to chase for what makes you come alive? Or will you take just any path and fit yourself in, and laugh off any idealism that places passion and profession in the same line?

Choose to be audacious.
Choose to love.
Choose to be truly you.

Ideas

image

Making it a point to write more since the sudden stroke of enlightenment that I could, should and must write after all. Making a mental note to probably avoid doing it on mobile as it jus feels so different. Takes a little joy off writing to some extent.

Just ended a session with pocketrocket and got to know of some really cool youth out there doing something that they believe in.  I have mentioned for the umpteenth time how the world is so different after getting out of the corporate? The time here and the subtle learning was once again apparent as I looked at slides, listened to explanations,  heard myself and everyone pitch. I have changed.

Am I happy with it? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Happiness lies in comfort that having that blind faith that it will be a learning journey months earlier finally bore fruit. That indeed now, the implicit learning uncovered new ground that I can now put to good use. Doubt – the irony of it – as I am having to face the fact that while reaping its fruit, I may no longer believe that further blind faith may do me anymore good.

How do you know when its time to stop and when its time to keep going? This is the same situation yet radically different from before. This time my heart is not yearning to leave but hungry for more. But the hunger needs to be filled. I know the decision herein lies a lot on perspectives and paradigms. I just cannot be sure that I must be the one wieldong that right judgement while all others are blind to it.

Yet then again within all these courageous stories there was always the element of foresight and daring to take the different path.

Obnoxious or courageous?

Where is the line?

juxtapoz

Life brings you the most interesting juxtapositions in life

Today i attended what was like the 2 women’s networking event in 2 weeks plus and met about 3 friends individually from the sessions. It’s like a brand new track of networking and meeting people. Each event has its personality too, the make up of the women, intentions and the vibes that you get out of it

went to W3 event today and felt a striking vibe of how I was truly truly appreciative of who i am, regardless.
there was probably this time in my life when it was always an afterthought “darn i should have said this instead/ if i had phrased it this way i would have sounded more coherent/ etc”

But

none of that now.

Some might call it age? Experience?

to me it was really just something simple

being appreciative – that now that i am truly able to embrace and be happy with who i am

understanding that i am uniquely me

and they are uniquely them

and be engulfed in that happiness of acceptance:)

hence the juxtapoz~
by being appreciative of me being unique and different
i seem to be better appreciate and enjoy others being different
for traditional views where you have to differentiate yourself from the crowds in order to be distinct
being happy for others’ unique traits and celebrating how they are different from you.

just comes full circle